Laughing Our Way Into Old Age
Posted: Saturday, November 17, 2007
by Joel Hendon
http://hebronics.org/index.html
Many people cringe at the thought of growing old. I, myself, used to flinch every time I passed into any new decade beyond 30. I just couldn't believe itwhy, I still felt like a boy. But it never weighed heavily on me as it does on some. And by the time I passed 50, wow, that's what I always called old. But you know, after I once realized that I was now considered old, and when cashiers asked if I was a senior citizen, it began to feel normal and when I zipped past 75, it didn't bother me as much as it seemed to at 35! So it is a frame of mind more than anything else.
We've all heard the old joke that when you reach my age, we read the obituaries each morning to see if we are listed, and if not, we eat breakfast and begin another day. But to tell you a real story, I built a website for a funeral home recently and I am beginning to think maybe I shouldn't have. Because I watch it carefully to make sure everything I did is working out alright. But I've discovered that the fellow buries, with few exceptions, old men in their late 70's! The last two before this writing were 79 and 78, in that order. I'm 77 so it makes me wonder if he has some type of spell that he casts on us older guys. I don't know the exact average life span right now for Caucasian males, but I think I have just slipped past it.
They tell me it is fun to grow old and become infested with senility, or maybe Alzheimer's disease in that you are able to meet new friends every day, hear new jokes, and so on. That may be true, but I just don't remember. Some good points are that people expect you to do weird things so you can readily get away with a lot, like for instance, pulling out in front of traffic. Young people expect us to do that and so they graciously allow it. They only yell out as us to keep us on our toes. It has helped me get home earlier a lot of times. My only fear of that is that I don't see as well as I once did, so I pray that I won't mistake some old codger for a young guy and swing out in front of him. I do try to pick out very late model cars, because I trust their brakes.
(52 years and counting)You learn to accept your mistakes which are many. I only fear that I may inadvertently run off with some other woman sometime and I hate to do that because this girl I have here now is a good person and I'm not sure she would buy that. And I would also lose the benefit of her social security check. I almost did that a few weeks back. We went shopping for a few items and my wife has never been a shopper (chuckle, snort) so I went in and made the purchases while she waited in the car. When I came out, I walked over and opened the driver's door to find a strange woman in the passenger seat staring wild eyed at me. I said, "Whoa, what are you doing here and where is my wife?" and she replied, sounding somewhat frightened and about to cry, "I'm here because this is our car and I don't have a clue where your wife is." I backed up, looked around and sure enough, my wife was in the next row leaning out a window and waving frantically at me.
Almost the same thing happened to me a few weeks farther back. We stopped on the street for me to pick up a couple of items at a grocery store, parallel parked. When I came out of the grocery store and walked around the front end of my car I noticed that the tires were worn almost to the fabric in spots. I kicked the front tire and looked at the back one to find it in the same condition. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. These were 60,000 mile tires and I had only had them a few months. Man! Then I looked up at the car behind me and there she was again, waving through the front windshield, and laughing hysterically. She never believes me when I tell her I only do these things to give her a laugh.
But it is the medications and toiletries that worry me. A simple mistake with some of them could be serious. And we keep much of our medications and toiletries together in a bathroom cabinet. And I frequently make errors with some of them, but so far none of much consequence. Actually, we don't have many of our actual medications there, only tubes, ointments, etc. But even they can get you in trouble if you don't watch. I recall several years ago, before senility had set in, that I had a stuffy nose and sprayed my nose with Pearl Dropsboth nostrils. And perhaps the most embarrassing thing I have done was the time I dressed my hemorrhoids with Polygrip. And I haven't yet figured out what it was that I pasted my dentures down with that day.
Such things are only mistakes and probably have nothing to do with Alzheimer's. But I also forget very quickly at times and that could be symptoms of something, forgetfulness perhaps.
But awhile back, my wife found me wandering around in the field out back with a rope in my hands and yelled at me as to what I was doing. And I answered that I was not sure, but I thought that I had either found a rope or lost a horse. And then just the other day, I stumbled and fell down the two steps into our dining room, jumped back up and yelled, "What was that noise?"
It can cause embarrassing moments also. I know we had a visitor at church recently and wanting to be a good host, I walked up and said, "We're glad to have you visit us, my name is Joel Hendon." He turned his ear toward me and said, "I'm sorry." and I said kindly indignantly, "For what?" Then he said, " I didn't understand the name you just said." And I said, "Well, it's too late, I don't remember who we were talking about."
I also have weird dreams now. One that is recurring is a good one. Right now, if I ran 4 steps, I'd be gasping for breath, but in this dream, I can start running and seemingly with the ease of a gazelle or a naked man on the moon. I only touch the ground about every 10 yards and just with little effort spring another 10, on and on. Now this paragraph is totally true, not all of the other yarns are, but I'll let you figure out which ones aren't.
I try to laugh as much as possible but even so, lines have formed from the corners of my mouth downward making it appear that I am a grouchy old man. I refuse to use botox.
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Top-level comments on this article: (7 total)Very good article Mr. Hendon, you may think I'm just a kid at 59. well I don't know how I got to this age. But recently I've noticed the older I get the better I feel. wisdom is a gift we have to earn through life. for those who've struggled in their young days to obtain this precious gift they'll tell you it was all worth it. Don't you think so?I do indeed David. I would be untruthful if I said I have no regrets. There are a number of things I would have done differently if I had foresight as I now have hindsight. But I have enjoyed the vast majority of my life and I don't think I would exchange it for anyone's that I know. I read a lot when I was in my teens and twenties but then, except for some correspondence courses, i slacked off for a great many years. I regret that. I know the difference in wisdom and knowledge, but I believe that the more knowledge we gain, the more our wisdom also increases. As I look back, I realize just how much I owe to a number of people who influenced me...my parents primarily. They were not perfect but they always had my best interest in their hearts. But perhaps my most cherished memories are those of friends I have made. We have lived in six states plus my army tour which took me to many more and I have left multitudes of friends where ever we were. As to your age, believe me it will seem like next week when you are my age. after 50, they fly. Thanks much for the comments.
Thank you for sharing with us the picture of you and your lovely bride! Mrs. Hendon, you are a beautiful woman. Seeing that picture warmed my heart. My husband and I have been married 31 years and God-willing will have many more together. It just keeps getting better and better. Mr. Hendon, I'm enjoying your stories. Keep on writing!Thanks for the complimentary remarks. (My wife is gonna love you). Our union has been a wonderful one and as I've often said, I love her more today than I did 52 years ago. She was a little old scrawny 98 pound weakling then. I really feel sorry for people whose marriages do not work out over the long haul. If I didn't have this wonderful person that I can wholly depend upon, I don't know what I'd do. I have threatened her with dire consequences if she should die and leave me.
hi joel, what an enchanting, funny, bittersweet story. if it helps in any way, my great aunt is 93, and is perfectly fine. your story was rich with information and smiles and laughs. thank you for taking the time to share it with all of us. best regards, sue thomThanks Sue for all the kind words. Most of it was strictly in fun. I have no way of knowing how much longer I may live, but really it is not bothering me. I feel good, I'm up by about four o'clock each morning (much to my wife's dismay). But it has been this way for 52 years, she is an evening peson and I am an incurable morning person. So I sneak out of bed, fix breakfast for both of us and put hers in a warm oven until she get up. I may yet live to be as old as George Burns, but I'm not counting on it. I have no known cancer or any such thing. I have had some problems in the past with cardiovascular plaque, but I no longer even have it checked. No reason to. I don't intend to ever have more heart surgery and I'm currently doing whatever I can to keep my cholesterol down. So my plans are to enjoy my retirement as long as I feel well, and when that part is over, I'll just start feeling sorry for myself :o) No, I have long since determined that I have had more than my share of blessings and whatever comes from here out, I'll try to understand that no one can expect smooth sailing all their lives.
Mr. Hendon, this is written in such a light hearted fun. way that I really did laugh throughout! I do have one question for you? When I was only in my 20s, I was rushing to get ready for a date and instead of using mouthwash, I gargled with nail polish remover; should I worry? Now at 50, when I come out of the shower I sometimes forget where I've left my towels... ahum. Please keep writing as I enjoy your work and, yes, you and your bride are one handsome couple! Happy Thanksgiving!Hi Judi: Thanks for your kind comments. But I must tell you, the enamel is no longer on your teeth. You must have them capped immediately which will stop the terrible pain you are experiencing while eating. Finger nail polish remover will take anything off. :o|) I also recognize the shower problem. My problem with that though, is I get in the shower and get really soaked only to notice that I brought in no washcloth! Thanks again and we wish you and yours a great Thanksgiving also.
Joel, You are PRICELESS and so is your article! It is so nice to hear someone else make fun of life, I think it is what keeps everyone going and not panicing about 'old age'. At 61 (just a kid yet), I feel the same way that you do. Life is what you make it and I plan on living it to the fullest! May you and your wife have many blessed years together and keep up the humor, the world needs it.Thanks Jan, I really do appreciate your remarks. I am flattered because I know that my writing needs much improvement. Actually, sometimes I fear that I make funnies in my conversations with people when I ought not. Some time back, I built a website for the congregation where we attend services, and after it was finished, the following occurred. One of our Elders was teaching our Sunday morning bible study class, and he complimented me on it. He said, "Joel, you did a great job on our website and we appreciate it." And I proudly replied, "Thank you, but I'm not finished with it yet. We have no ugly pictures on it, but I plan to add some just as soon as I can get our Elders, Deacons, and Preachers to have some made." Fortunately, they all knew me so I wasn't disfellowshipped. But, you know, I don't purposely plan to do such things. I've always been that way. And I worry that it is some kind of complex that makes me want to steal the show. I hope that isn't it. I even remember once in high school, our teacher brought up some ancient superstition where a certain people believed that peppers' roots grew down to hell and that is where it's heat came from. And some of them felt it was futile to try to grow them in any containers with bottoms because they're roots could not go down for the heat. But smart aleck Joel raised his hand and said, "Well then, that explains where we got sweet peppers." Thanks again, and have a great holiday.
Joel, Priceless! Your humor is so unique and real - keep the stories coming. Your fan, DeirdreThanks Deirdre, you are very kind. Have a nice Thanksgiving Day.
Oh Daddy, this one (as so many of your fans have said) is priceless!! (And so typically "Daddy" I can't stand it) I LOVE IT!! I actually understand a little better, where I get this sense of humor from. (But i've known all along really) You're the best and this article just proves it :)
Well, thanks sweetie. It took you all these years? Just kidding.
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